The Royal Flush

by Nat Johnson

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A response to the announcement that £369m is to be spent on refurbishing Buckingham Palace - money that could be spent on critical public services instead. The timing of this is unbelievably insensitive.

Pay what you want - all proceeds to be split between Roundabout (Sheffield Homelessness Charity) and Arts Emergency (supporting access to arts education for all)

This is a home recording.


The piss-take of the century, I tell you we wont have it
There's no money for the people but there's money for the palace

You can take your plumbing costs and stick it up your pipe
Cos there's thousands of people sleeping on the streets tonight
Your floorboards might be creaking but at least you've got a floor
Let us tax your bedrooms, Liz,or open up your door

Far above the line of poverty, they're waving from the balcony, untouched by austerity
You've got two other houses, ma'am, downsizing can't do any harm
Don't throw our bucks at Buckingham, at Buckingham

We can't afford our five a day and wait til after Brexit
When food will cost so much we won't be able to digest it
So the 'Just About Managing' live on cheap jam and bread
The situation's a dog's dinner but a corgi's better fed


Why not sell a Rembrandt or a handbag or two
We can set you up on ebay, or flog stuff out the boot
Everybody and their mother knows a lovely handyman*
Let us take you down to B&Q and fill up the van


Her majesty's new lights will keep one quite illuminated
While we stay in the dark, misled and poorly educated
No cash for public libraries cos they don't want us to think
They just want us to watch TV and work and smoke and drink


And loyal older citizens will have to keep on freezing
Cos the royal radiators are a-dripping and a-wheezing
We can generate some heat this winter, some lives might be saved
With all the warmth produced from thousands dead all spinning in their graves


And if you hadn't noticed they're preparing us for war
With the palace as a symbol - 'this is what we're fighting for'
The military budget soars, the welfare state is shelved
While we're distracted cos they've got us all to fight amongst ourselves


We march and shout and tweet and sign every online petition
But politicians only like to win and not to listen
They strip away the welfare til there's nothing left to take
Do you look away, Your Majesty? One is not Daniel Blake


It's plain to see a better use of all that royal wealth:
Redirect the money to our ailing national health
Don't flush our NHS with a newfangled royal flush
With Mr Hunt pushing it down with a bejewelled toilet brush


*Other genders of handyperson are available but they didn't rhyme as well


released November 23, 2016
written, performed and recorded by Nat Johnson



all rights reserved


Nat Johnson Sheffield, UK

“A treat for fans of PJ Harvey and Alela Diane” – Subba Cultcha

Singer-songwriter., ex-Monkey Swallows the Universe / Nat Johnson & the Figureheads.

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